When I first considered starting a blog, I was unsure exactly how I’d “balance” it. Would I be blogging about writing, posting excerpts of my fiction, maybe snippets of my own life? Then I realized I was starting to make it waaaay to hard in my mind. Like I mentioned in my very first post, I just want to “keep it real.” The way I speak is the way I want to blog. I certainly don’t “talk” above people, the same way I don’t “write” above people. I want to keep it fun, fresh, insightful; I want you to feel like I’m sitting right there as you read (which may or may not be a good thing). Still, I hadn’t cleared my first hurdle: where do I start? But then I read something in the newspaper that made my ass cheeks clench, and I knew I’d hit the ground running.
Snooki, of Jersey Shore fame, is writing a book.
Ummm, say again?
Technically, she’s not writing it herself (dear Lord, the horror), but is working with a collaborator. The novel (yes, a novel. I suppose that means it’ll be longer than the directions on a can of spray tan) will be called “A Shore Thing,” about a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore). It will be published by Simon & Schuster.
I’ve a confession. I watch Jersey Shore. Now before you cry hypocrite!, allow me to offer a little something in my own defense – I think Jersey Shore is classic, mindless train wreck television. It’s the perfect enema for my (ahem) backed-up brain, and although I’m a NJ native, the show doesn’t insult me the slightest (I wish the cast was all from NJ, however, aaaaand it’d be nice if they actually filmed in NJ the whole time. What’s up with Jersey Shore in Miami Beach anyway, yo? I mean, can’t Paulie & the Situation creep at Barnes & Noble down at Riverside Square Mall? Just sayin’…). I get that Snooki is stretching out her 15 minutes of fame. Seriously, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t we all? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this world, it’s that success isn’t always dependent on talent or hard work. Sometimes, you just have to be lucky enough to step into a huge heap of steaming shit. Damn if I wouldn’t want some of that on my shoes every now & again.
But Snooki… c’mon now girl, really?
Couldn’t you just promote a line of clothing, perfume, vitamins, or hell, sign up for a dance show (all of which sounds vaguely familiar for some reason…)? But a book? I can fist pump with the best of them, Snooks, but you’re hitting me below the belt on this one. Listen, get drunk in public, smoosh every gorilla you see, throw down with Angelina, but as far as the writing goes, all I have to say is “Hands off, big claw!”